The Sounds of the Season

This Poem was written in college in a poetry class when I was supposed to be reading very serious poetry. I think it might have been Yeats. Or some very influential guy from the sixties movement. Anyway, this is what they inspired. And this is one of the poems that made it into one of CU's literary magazines, Tip O' the Tongue, 1999.
Enjoy.


Herman T. Hermunkel
By Kelly Hayes

Sitting for hours within his dark lab,
Dr. Herman T. Hermunkel took one more stab
at his unending search for an invaluable clue
to unlock the mystery of a rather pungent stew.

“Wouldn’t it be great!” he exclaimed to his peers,
“If our toots could smell lovely and erase stinky fears!”
Fellow scientists snickered and emitted a stench,
leaving Herman a rage he set off to quench.

Finally the day long-awaited arrived,
when all of the theories, stunts, and tricks he’d contrived
proved to be useful and profitable too,
as Herman T. Hermunkel’s Toot-Beautifying Goo.

He could make it all flavors – whatever you choose,
He would make millions for this popular ruse!
Vanilla, or roses, or strawberry tart.
No one would guess that sweet odor a fart.

C.K., or lavender, or sweet, sweet red wine.
Aroma therapy is next up in line.
Hermunkel’s a genius, a bonefied stud,
too bad he couldn’t patent it before drowning in mud.

If you have a sensitive snuffer or snout
and you’d rather have pleasant things to snuffle about,
Remember dear Hermunkel and his pledge to the fart,
and next time you toot, it could become art.